beerito:

it should be illegal to be this funny and single

equiuszahhak:

BEWARE: smoking weed can have dangerous side effects, such as never shutting the fuck up about the fact you smoke weed

rneerkat:

spamanos:

rneerkat:

what did the squirrel say to his waitress

squirrels dont fucking talk you piece of shit

why would he say that to his waitress she would obviously know he was being dishonest

if ellen was president of the world there would be no wars only dancing

esexist:

what if you were holding a puppy and being like “aw whos the cutest wittle puppy in the whole wide world?” it responded in a grown mans voice just like “i am the cutest puppy in the whole wide world”

feistily:

I’m scared to grow up. what if I end up alone. what if my career choice plummets. what if all my friends are happily employed and in relationships. what if no one wants me.
I don’t want to grow up.